Blanks

Here I am, on national day's eve, feeling pretty free and relaxed, as if I were having the vacation that I've always wanted, the voice of Lena Park playing in the background.. one of my favourite songs by her..

Plonked down in my hard wooden chair, in the corner of my room where the computer is. Fingers typing..typing.. My mind however, feels so very blank.. dead.. zombified.. I can't describe it.. is it that life is taking its toll on me? Has time finally caught up with me? Or has the beauty of life somehow diminished? Feeling old, helpless and a little sad..

Trying to think of something to blog on, and my mind drew a blank.. for awhile I stared at the screen until I finally started on this topic. Has life become this way when I can't find activities I can talk about? Gone were the days when going out with friends back in JC.. Pretty much feels like sand scattered around S'pore, with a few events popping up here and there that somehow takes great effort to attend. Have I, as a working adult, lost track of life? Work is in my head.. every day till I break for the week.. Even in the weekends, many times the topic of work comes up in my head again.. Calls come in..

Really need some form of guidance, a compass for my path, a lamp to my feet.. Can humans nowadays lead a life free of worries? Or even a single day? Trials and tribulations abound to test our faith.. Somehow, I think I've kept afloat.. But even then, there are times where dark thoughts just creep in, and I start to question "what am I here for?". Of course, my Christian upbringing readily offers the answer, nonetheless, mind and body just feels reluctant to trust when you're feeling tired.

The words up on the screen in front of me.. Some I dun even remember typing it down anymore.. Perhaps even I need some form of support now and then.. and a couple of days alone with God and at peace.. will there ever come such a day in my pilgrim's life here on Earth?

But i'll always believe in points 1 & 2..