I've got my answer to my query. The answer that had always been at the back of my head, but deperately hoped that it was not so. But it is.

I have accepted it.

It's left me crushed, but at least now I can start picking up the pieces.

Thanks for telling me, though you just couldn't say it.

I really don't blame you, but you should have..

I'm not sure if my original feelings will change, but does it matter?

God, give me the strength to carry on, when I really feel like giving up.

I so don't wanna fall into the darkness.

I read Psalms 22.. Indeed, there is much meaning in it for me. Comfort me O Lord.. I am but a shadow of myself. Build me up once again, as I cling on to my faith. For thine is the glory for ever and ever. Strengthen me, that I might find rest unto my soul. Amen.